Greetings all

Lets go over to the Kabal Vision Studio to join Gary and Des.D. Well Gary, the Swynndon Tigers are playing Orcs of Morks Marauders tonight (actually Thursday 25th May)

G. That’s right Des. Brought to you tonight by Kabal Vision. Those viewers who hit the red button can switch to Fan Zone commentary. Commenting tonight for the Marauders is Grishnak Headsplitter.

D. That’s right Gary, and for the Tigers it’s Lucy Lastic.

FAN ZONE

LL. Well, it’s a cold but clear day. What would you say the crowd is?

GH. Erm, orcs an’ ‘umies?

LL. Well, yes, orcs and humans, but how many?

GH. Er, one, er two, er …wot comes next – er four?

LL. sigh. Don’t bother its 22,000.

LL. Oops, a bad kick by the Tigers, its gone out of bounds and is now in the hands of the hulking green brute blitzer.

GH. Yeh, ‘es gone up to the line to see ‘is mates. Good ‘ittin boyz! Oh look, a blitzer has gone up-field like a poofy skinny!* (* Skinnies is orc slang for elves.) Wot you waitin’ for? We ain’t done a pass in any game yet!

LL. Oh no, one of the Tigers has fallen over, ending their turn before the Tigers could mark the blitzer.

GH. I don’t adam an’ eve it! The blitzer wiv der ball ‘as gone an chucked it! And that blitzer caught it! ‘Es run in a touchdown on Turn 2. We is playing like poxy skinnies! Wot about the ‘ittin?

LL. Well, the Tigers have the ball again after the restart, and have formed a perfect cage. Plenty of receivers getting free.

GH. Yeh, but plenty o’ boyz back getting’ stuck in. Look, that ‘umy got flattened. Lots of the big boyz goin’ for the cage too!

LL. Oh no, number 16 has fallen over dodging, and is lying very still! And the Orcs could break into the cage this turn.

GH. Yeh, the lads are in – got the ball too I fink!

LL. Not any more – good blocking girls! See, they knocked two of those big black ones over! And we’ve got the ball back!

GH. ‘it ‘em boyz! Oi, why is all those girls running away?

LL. Wow, what a pass! Great catch Lucy! Yesssss, Touch Down! One each now!

LL. Well, it’s half time. I hope that the poor girl who was injured was alright.

GH. Well, yer apo..api.. apolo – whatever will fix ‘er. Fancy a bite of me leg of gobbo?

LL. Ugh! No thanks. Oh no, look at the sky. It’s a real blizzard – I can hardly see the pitch!

LL. Well, the Tigers have received and formed a cage again. Lots of girls going up-field for the pass.

GH. Good ‘ittin lads! Wow, we’ve pushed yer up against the touchline. And good punchin’ – most of yer girls are flat!

LL. Yes, but not injured, so they’ll get up again and move. Damn this snow – we’d have scored by now otherwise.

GH. Wow, yer gettin’ right up against the side – where the Orc crowd is! Good foul gobbo! – that’s put paid to those girls. But how will the troll get by wivout ‘is gobbo mate? ‘e won’t ‘ave anyone to tell ‘im wot to do.

LL. At last, we’ve got some girls up again. Next turn we should be able to get the ball away.

GH. Wow – did you see that troll? All by ‘isself! ‘E ‘it that girl into the other girl, who went backwards into the girl wiv der ball! She’s gone into the crowd! She getting’ duffed up now! Where der ball gone? Blimy, must be a skinny in the crowd! Its gone fer miles! It’s almost back on der humies goal-line!

LL. Yeh, but at least we’ve got faster players. We should get there first.

GH. Still, when we get there it’ll get ugly! Ooh look, anovver ‘umie has been pushed into the crowd.

LL. Oh no, our girls are falling over because of the slippery conditions. And that same orc blitzer who scored earlier, he going to pick up the ball. Oh bother, he’s got it.

GH. Yeh, wonder ‘ow ‘e kept ‘is feet in der snow? Look out mate, man on! That amazon is trying to ‘it ‘im! Ooh look, anovver ‘umie has been pushed into the crowd.

LL. On no, the only girl who could reach the ball-carrier has fallen over too!

GH. An’ der blitzer, ‘e strolls in for another touchdown! der Marauders have won 2-1!

BACK TO THE KABAL VISION STUDIO

D. Well, Gary, a real turn up for the books. When the Tigers got the ball away in the second half I thought they were about to score again.

G. That’s right Des, if that troll hadn’t passed his Really Stupid test and hit the ball-carrier into the crowd, I’m sure the Tigers would have won.

D. Thing is Gary, even if the ball had been thrown straight in – never mind into the Marauder’s end of the field – the Tigers were still in good shape. Only a throw like that, way back into the Tiger’s back field, gave the Marauders a chance.

G. What about the weather Des?

D. Well Gary, the weather played a huge part in the second half. It stopped any long or long-bomb passes, and the conditions were really slippery. It made it really difficult to run back for the ball, and it’s only because the Marauders had more re-rolls that they made it at all.

G. The lack of casualties played a big part too. Three Amazons were pushed into the crowd, one was successfully fouled, and one or two were knocked over most Orc turns, and yet the Orcs did no injuries at all! The only Amazon who was hurt – who is sadly dead, Des – fell over on a failed dodge. And the Amazons did one casualty to the Orcs! No-one thought that would happen.

D. Yes, Gary, the Amazons have lost another player, but luckily there are a lot of them. I wonder why they don’t have an apothecary? Still, they got 40,000 Gold Pieces after the game, and picked up a couple of skills.

G. That’s right Des, and the Marauders only got 30,000, but they picked up a skill as well. And went up by one fan-factor, for the third successive game!