Blood Bowl Match Report: The Orko Klots vs Morks Marauders

The Orko Klots (Orcs) vs Morks Marauders (Orcs)

There was some amount of confusion prior to this match; the head coach of Morks Marauders thought he had arranged to play against “sum pansee elf guys”, but instead led his team to the Orko Klots stadium; whether this was due to some wayward directions from the elven coach or the Marauders’ Troll eating their map shortly after setting off will probably forever remain a mystery.  Not being the kind of orc to turn down the opportunity of a good bash, (if such an orc even exists), Orktimus Grime sent his newly hired gobbo, Arsey, to wake up the Klots for a game.

Being unprepared for the game, it was unsurprising that there were few Orko Klots fans present compared to the Marauders’ following, who arranged themselves along the ramshackle terraces to enjoy the perfect weather.  The coin toss went the Marauders’ way, and they started off well, with Thrower 1 able to position himself well under the Klots’ high kick to gather in the ball from the start.

The Marauders caged up on their right flank, but their initial push did little to shake their opponents.  In response to Grime’s shouting from the sidelines, the Klots arrayed themselves in a long line parallel to the line of scrimmage and invited the Marauders to come to them.  The Marauders accepted the challenge, and stepped forward to face off against the Klots.  Orktimus Grime then ordered his players to block down the line, in order to push the Marauders back again.  However, the first block of the turn rolled double skulls; shaking his head, Grime called in a re-roll for the errant black orc to go again; this time double both-down.  Both players went down in a heap, but the Klots had been turned over without landing any other blows, and were now exposed to the Marauders counter attack.  The response was indeed brutal, and from that the Klots were unable to get enough numbers back into defence to stop Thrower 1 from marching downfield, and scoring a touchdown.

With time running out in the half, and the sun starting to glare down on the teams, the Marauders’ kick landed close to the Klots’ endzone; there was little to do but have a bust up on the line of scrimmage.  Meanwhile, Klots’ Thrower Fumblebee got in a little practise in the backfield, earning a completion, even thought it took two turns to manage it!

After half time, the Marauders repaid the favour by once again kicking high, allowing Fumblebee to cage up, whilst orcs from both teams pummelled each other on the line.  The Klots’ cage moved right, then left, then right again over several turns, trying to force a gap in the lines that never materialised.  Getting increasingly frustrated, Orktimus Grime called for the ball to be handed off to Arsey, who then ran up the right touchline.  Klots Blitzers Rarr-Scream and Blunder-Cracker ran alongside him to provide protection, but as their compatriot Sky-Gawp tried to blitz a Marauder away from the makeshift cage and take his place at the back of it, he instead managed to take himself out, and ended sprawled on the ground.

With inadequate protection, Arsey found himself crowd-surfing, and the ball returned to midfield.  His opposite number, ‘da Gobbo’, picked up the ball, and was quickly surrounded by a cage of Marauders.  The Orko Klots piled into the cage in return, and almost got to da Gobbo, scaring him enough that he tried to dodge out.  However, someone must have just scragged him, as he fell down in a heap and the ball squirted free again.

Quick (for an orc!) to pounce on the turnover, Fumblebee scooped up the ball, and headed off towards the touchline, supported by Brawn the Lineorc.  With a gap behind that still left the Klots’ thrower exposed, Grime ordered black orc Frenzy to plug the gap; however, the one square go-for-it that he needed to close off a blitz against Fumbleebee was a square too much, and he fell flat on his face.

With Fumblebee now exposed, he was taken out by a Marauder Blitzer, allowing da Gobbo to once again pick up the ball.  He emerged through a massive scrum on the halfway line to hand off to another Marauder, who sprinted off downfield.  However, Sky-Gawp raced across to cover the run and took out the wannabe scorer, making amends for the earlier foul-up.  There was just enough time for the Klots to foul out a Marauder in frustration before the final whistle went.

After the game, Orktimus Grime could be heard ranting over the measly 10K gold pieces that was left in the Klots’ winnings pot, whilst no one thought to look for the referee who had vanished as mysteriously as he had appeared for the unscheduled match….

Pitchside Reporter: Brychan


  1. Excellent report Brychan – sorry for the team foul-up, if I know you were taking your green-skins I would have bought my elves. You played well but luck was against you. Thanks for an excellent game though.

  2. Thanks for agreeing to play at my ‘home stadium’ 🙂 No problem with the team mix up; it was interesting to see what an orc on orc match looked like.

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