(Any resemblance to actual events in the ensuing commentary is purely coincidental – or is it?) Bad Deal:          Glorious sunshine today skinny – lovely for us but those players are going to be sweltering by half time – lucky there are some people warming the bench!Skinny:             Absolutely – and even more for the elves, because they seem to have a newcomer, just wandered down from the crowd.  She was standing out a bit in the warpaint and tight trousers though – don’t think she came just to watch!  Lucky omen for head coach Kathie’s first game out without her trusty fan club.

BD:       Dwarfs win the toss and elect to receive – aiming to whittle down the numbers before getting sliced through like a hot wardancer’s blade through a dwarf’s buttery chub.  As the ball sails, suddenly the clouds come over and the day settles down into nice blood bowl weather – almost a celestial wizard trick, that.

S:         On with the game, and the dwarfs immediately form a cage.  Various wood elves bounce off, and the cage trundles forward, making a couple of squares per turn.  Two elves are in the dugout after standing between rocks of trollslayers and the hard place that is the 26,000 Blood Bowl crowd, and with a couple of KO’s gaps start to appear.  The runner splits to the left, chased down, but his helpers manage to clear his way for the first touchdown.

BD:       Reset, elves receiving.  New accurate kicking from a runner who looks suspiciously like Gavin Hastings, and the ball is in the far corner.  The dwarfs manage a Blitz, buoyed up by their early success, and the thrower on the ball doesn’t look at all happy.

S:         And rightly not – she could be in a whole lot of trouble.  An emergency long bomb looks like it’s going astray, tries again, and FUMBLES!  Luckily for the wee men, there’s a couple of runners nearby, otherwise the ball could be scattering for a while.  Meanwhile, the elf thrower’s realises that discretion is the better part of getting punched in the head, and heads for the KO box after a suspiciously light touch.  The runners head for the endzone and get a quick pass to make it to 2-0 going in for half time.

BD:       What are the coaches going to be saying at half time, Skinny?

S:         Well, probably gibberish that sounds a lot like “trees are great” and “rocks are great” respectively.  Plus some swearing from both sides, but this is a family show!

BD:       Second half, and the elves have the ball, pressing hard with a quick snap.  A hole opens down their left, and the wardancer from the crowd makes inroads.  Luckily, there is… ah, it’s a longbeard.  Not quite fast enough for a block.  Wardancer dodges away and stands in the end zone.  Thrower gets close, long bomb, and TOUCHDOWN ELVES!  Shame she won’t be hanging around – she could be a star in the making!

S:         Maybe she’ll become a catcher in the next game – she certainly has the hands for it.

BD:       The dwarfs seem to be looking grouchy now…

S:         How can you tell?

BD:       Fair point, but they don’t like being scored against, and they certainly don’t like elves.  They’ll be out for blood now.

S:         Think the elves have sensed that?

BD:       Well, their boots seem to be quaking, so I guess so.

S:         Restart.  Runner on the ball, although most of his team don’t seem to care very much.  Both of the elf catchers are now in the seriously injured box, and not looking at all well.  The elven apothecary was also used in the 1st half!

BD:       Attrition now, and the match grinds out, with the dwarfs touching down in the final turn to round things off at 3-1 – lets see how serious those elven injuries are!

S:         Bad news I’m afraid – both catchers didn’t last the match and are now deceased.  The rest are okay, and it was a pretty big payday.  Despite winning and a plethora of touchdowns and casualties, the dwarf fan factor stays the same, as does the elves’.  The elven roster is replenished with one catcher, and various skills are added to both rosters after an exciting match.

BD:       That’s all folks!